Nutella Nutellae

De inutilitate nascondimenti barattolorum Nutellae
ab illusibus mammibus.

 by Riccardo Cassini

The Nutell di Riccardo Cassini - Nutella - Bambino

Nutella omnia divisa est in partes tres:Unum: Nutella in vaschetta plasticae.
Duum: Nutella in viteris bicchieribus custodita.
Treum: Nutella sita in magno barattolo (magno barattolo sì, sed medium est si magno Nutella IN barattolo).Nutella placet omnibus pueris atque puellis sed, si troppa Nutella fagocitare, cicciones divenire, cutaneis eructionibus sottostare et brufolos peticellosque supra facie tua stratos formare atque, ispo facto, diarream cacalleramque subitaneam venire.
Propterea quod familiares, et mamma in particulare, semper Nutella celat in impensabilis locis ut eviteant filiis sbafare, come soliti sunt.Sed domanda spontanea nascet: si mamma contraria est filiales sbafationes, perché Nutella comprat et postea celat?
Intelligentiore fuisse non comprane manco per nihil…sed forse mammae etiam Nutella sbafant: celatio altrui non est vendetta trasversalis materna propterea quod ea stessa victima fuit, sua volta, matris suae.
“Sic heri tua mamma Nutella celavit, sic hodie celis filiis tuis”.
Sed populus totus cognoscit ingenium puoerorum si in ballo Nutella est: vista felinos similante habent ut scruteant in tenebris credentiarum; manes prensiles aracnidarum modo ut arrampiceant super scaffalos sgabuzzinarum; olfactum caninum-canibus superior- per Nutellam scovare inter mucchios anonimarum marmellatarum fructarum.Memento semper: filius, inevitabile, nutella scovat sed non semper magnat.
Infactum, fruxtratione maxima filii si habet quando filius scovat barattolorum sed hoc barattolus novus atque sigillatus est, propterea quod si filius aprit et intaccat barattolum intonsum, sputtanatus fuisse!
(Eh!Erat novus…).Hoc res demonstrat omnibus mammis nascondimentos novorum barattolorum Nutellae fatica sprecata esse.Non fruxtatione maxima, sed notevolis incavolatio si habet si filius ritrovat barattolorum quasi vacuum, giusto minima cum nutella et alcunam partem manducare non potest quod barattolum vacuum buttatum fuisse ab mamma, non conservatum, inde semper minimum fondum Nutellae rimanendum est.
Nutella NutellaeHoc res demonstrat omnibus mammis nascondimentos quasi vacuorum barattolorum Nutellae ulteriore fatica sprecata al quadratum esse.Unica possibilitas felicitatis filii est rinvenire barattolorum medio vacuum et medio plenum, in hoc modo dues o tres cucchiailli Nutellae videantur sbafandi sunt.
Sed, post sbafationem, ad editandum sgamati esse mamorandae sunt smucinatio atque mischiatio Nutellae rimastae ut si fingeat nemo toccavit nemo magnavit.
Etiam, primariae imoportantiae res, cucchiallus lavare asciugareque ne tracciam ullam lasciare.Hac termia ipotesis unica ragione est pro fatica mammarum, sed ulteriores domandae spontanea nascunt.
Ne valet la penam?Hoc casinus toto per tres cucchiaillos fetientos Nutellae ?Qui ve lo fecit fare ?
Et, postea, postea, non vi lamentatis si filii, provati astinentiarum Nutellarum, drogaturi sunt!
Ullae lacrimae coccodrillarum accettatae sunt: non diciate non avvertendi non fuissimus.Salutiis bacisque
Caius Julius Ferrerus                                                                            RICCARDO CASSINI

E dopo la versione in lingua simil-inglese non poteva mancare un epopea della Nutella in lingua simil-latino. Buon divertimento

 

Leggi anche:

La Favola di Cappucciett Red

The Nutell

Giuseppe per le dolci tentazioni

#647

 

The Nutell

The Nutell by Riccardo Cassini

 

 

The Nutell di Riccardo Cassini - Nutella - Bambino

Who invented the Nutell ?  Once upon a time, many, many, many, ma’na cifra of many years ago, at the beginning of the initiation of the mond, there was the caos. One day, God (God is the nome d’art of Dio), God, who was disoccupated,had a folgorant idea and so God created the Nutell. And God saw that  the Nutell was good, very good, very very good, good ‘na cifra. The mangiation of God was long, He manged one million of barattols of Nutell sfrutting the fact that God has not a Mamm that strills if you  sbaff too much Nutell…And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed Run, the cors in  the cabinet, and some Nutell’s derivates like the red bubbons, the panz, the cellulit and ceter, and ceter. After di which (dopodiche’) he invented Adamo ed Eva and all the paradise and he diss to Adamo and Eva:  “Now you have all the Paradise, you can do everything, very tutt: you  have the permission to eat, to drink, to kiss, to scop; nothing lavor, nothing affit, nothing concors of impiegats, nothing cod alla post, nothing IRPEF, ILOR. Only very ozious life: television, telenovels, football, moviols, process of Monday, appell of Tuesday, cassazion of  Wednesday, and ceter, and ceter. You have gratis restaurants, cinemas, theaters, all the Paradise is yours: air-conditioned, autom riscaldament, moquette, parquett, tresset, bidet, omelette, eccet, eccet….”There’s just one thing, remember, in tutt the Paradise just one thing absolutely prohibited. Come, come to me in the giardin: this is  “the Nocciol”, the alber of the Nutell. Only this alber of the Nutell is  prohibited, because I like the Nutellvery much, very very much, much ‘na cifra and I want all the Nutell, tutt the Nutell for me.” During the prim temps, Adamo and Eva were very happy. Adamo  said:”What a cool! (‘Cool’ is not in Italian ‘freddo’, no, ‘What a cool’  means  ‘Che cul’) All the Paradise is nostr!” And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered something new. A lot of scoperts, many scoperts, many many scoperts, ‘na cifra di scoperts. One day the scopert of the hot water, one day the scopert of the spaghettis, one day the cigarettes, and ceter, and ceter. But one day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist ‘na cifra,Adamo and Eva fecer the scopert of the first colazion. And after theof the cappuccin, the scopert of the aranch succ, the scopert of the  cornetts, they understood that something was mancant.  “Eva!” said Adamo “Don’t you think that qualcos is mancant here,  proprio here, ‘ncopp this fett?”  “Second me” Eva risposed “‘ncopp the fett you have to metter burr”No, no Eva, you know that the marmelade schif myself. I want ‘ncopp this fett something very particular, very very particular, particular  ‘na cifra. What do you think about the Nutell?”  “No, Adamo you are scording that the Signor said that’s vietat!”.”Yes, remember, but only a little assaggiation, don’t succed nothing!” And Adamo sces in the cortil where the alber of the Nutell was and he  pres a small barattol and spalmed the brown cream on the fett and assagged  the Nutell. Adamo and Eva don’t ebber the time to exprimer the godiment that  the tuons and fulmins apparved in the ciel and one voice said:”Potevamo stupirv you with special effects, but I’m God, not Fantagod! Adamo, Eva, come here! I’m very incazz with you, very very incazz, incazz ‘na  cifra!  How did you permit to tocc the Nutell? Didn’t you remember that it  was prohibited?”  “Cazz!” esclamed Adamo “It was prohibited! Oh, sorry, God, I’m very very sorry, sorry ‘na cifra, God, I really really was completely scordat…”
RICCARDO CASSINI
 

Leggi anche:

La Favola di Cappucciett Red

Nutella Nutellae

Giuseppe per la dolcezza… infinita.

#642

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